He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
