He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
