Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
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I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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