I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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