I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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