So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If I die, sorry about rent.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
