I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Watching her eat just hurts me
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
