Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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