I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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