I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
