Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
