I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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