I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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