I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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