sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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