mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
