am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
