remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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