One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
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I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
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A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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