Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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