You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
