Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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