We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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