zippers are such a cool invention
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
