I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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