I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We had to coat check the pizza.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
