I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
