so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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