Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
sarcasm needs its own font
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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