The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
