I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
