did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
