Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i dont even know how to be here
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
