I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
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I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
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Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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