Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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