I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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