One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
