So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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