I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
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Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
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He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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