Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
