..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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