There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm like, not good at living.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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