Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So here I am, sexting at work.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
