if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
