I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
