Your dad touched me again.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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