Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
