you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
