Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
