In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
