You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Your topless pictures make me question reality
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
