i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
home. puking in laundry basket.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
