did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
