Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
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his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.