when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
