Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed