I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
