I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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