Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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