did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
