Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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