A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
