i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize