So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My bed smells like the plague
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