guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
