i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize