please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
