The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
