Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
please come you make the beer taste better
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
