it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
well you can't waste a boner
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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