Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
