i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
