I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
